if i can run in heels then i can drive
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize