Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
