just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
