see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
