Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
