just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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