One girl and one boy is just not enough.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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