i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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