you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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