I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we made out on top of his cat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
