woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
