So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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