We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
