Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
