But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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