We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize