you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
