i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
