I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
