there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize