remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
