My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
People in love make me want to vomit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
