We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize