Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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