I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
