Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
