Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
