I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
