My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
