I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize