My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
