my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
