Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
