He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
