The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
