i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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