Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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