He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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