Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
