I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
