I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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