Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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