dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
