Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sext me about skeletons
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