the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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