I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize