I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
