I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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