Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
