Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
