i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize