I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
