and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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