are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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