I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
