I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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