He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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