he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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