apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
