Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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