Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
