I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
