It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
