You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
