I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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