So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize