Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
