Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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