never play flip cup with pint glasses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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