I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
