Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
