1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
