I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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